The Gargoyle Hunter
by Dear Abbie
Summary: Elisa has been hit on the head......And suddenly she thinks she is a khaki-wearing, crocodile- wrassling, Australian-speaking Gargoyle Hunter!


[Abbadon_13@yahoo.com][1]

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


[][1]The GARGOYLES belong to Buena Vista and Disney.

The characters Sata, Graeme, Ariana, and Nudnik belong to the creative people at TGS.

Any characters that seem to share likenesses with any actors on TV are only coincidental.

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**The GARGOYLE Hunter**

  
  
  
  


ELISA had gone through one of the worst days of her career that day. First, she had accidentally arrested the wrong guy, simply because he was on the scene with a gun. Then, she had been forced to chase the real crook on foot for well over a mile through Central Park, and she was exhausted. She stumbled into her apartment and took off her coat. She hadn't gotten very far when she suddenly caught the end of her boot on something warm, furry, and sunny-colored; her second cat.

  
  


She lost her balance too quickly to correct it, and she fell backward, hitting her head on her coffee table, knocking the remote control to the floor as she went down. As Elisa slipped into unconsciousness, the television flipped on to one of her cable channels.

  
  


Elisa lay on the floor for nearly fifteen minutes, bleeding only slightly from a scrape on the back of her head. She awoke slowly, and her hearing registered first. Strangely, an overly-excited Australian man's voice poured into her ears. She opened her eyes, and she looked around confusedly. She saw the light from the TV and she turned around to see the image of a man in khaki shorts babbling excitedly about a new species of snake that he was holding up in camera range perilously close to his nose. 

  
  


Elisa smiled and exclaimed, "I do believe the bloke'll get bit, bycrioky!" 

  
  


* * * * * * 

  
  


"Hey, has anyone seen Aunt Elisa?" Ariana piped as she added more quietly to her opponent in a card game, "Go fish, Graeme."

  
  


"Did Elisa not promise that she would be here at eight for breakfast-I mean her dinner?" Goliath wondered to no one in particular as he put down his book. "Perhaps I should go check on her. It is eight-thirty, and the meal is almost prepared."

  
  


The den's door opened forcefully. "So sorry I'm late, blokes."said Elisa, walking into the room with an odd look on her face, evidently getting excited at what she saw in front of her.

  
  


"Speak o'the Devil, there's the lass now!" exclaimed Hudson, "Let's get to the feast, lads and lassies!"

  
  


"Bycrioky! What a Beaut! I've never seen a species of bat like this before, I haven't!" Elisa marveled, stepping closer to Hudson and the rest of the gargoyles as cautiously as any nature observer.

  
  


"What?!" the group gasped collectively. 

  
  


"Oi, and it seems no the least bit scared o' me either! Bly me! This species is a colorful sort ain't it? Look at this one! Red as a croc's swollen throat!" She exclaimed stalking around the chair carefully where Brooklyn was choking on his drink.

  
  


"Elisa stop fooling around, you're not the Possum Hunter or whoever he is!" Brooklyn said quickly before he was overwhelmed with laughter as Elisa continued to stalk around, examining his wings. 

  
  


"I'm not foolin' around, you Bloke! I'm-- Bycrioky! Did you just speak?" Elisa asked, surprised.

  
  


"Enough of this. Restore yourself, Elisa. Dinner is on the table and--" Goliath began.

  
  


"Be-Jewel me! Structured speech! I've made an incredible discovery, I have!"

  
  


"Elisa?" Angela asked timidly, putting her hand on Elisa's shoulder and looking into her face, "Goliath, she's delusional!" 

  
  


Goliath stared hard into Elisa's eyes. There was a definite emptiness there, and he could see it.

  
  


"She thinks she's that one guy that hunts crocs, bycrioky!" Brooklyn snorted.

  
  


"EXCUSE ME?" Elisa growled, obviously jolted, "I'm from Queensland Zoo, mind you, Bloke, and I've been hunting crocs since I was knee high to a dingo!"

  
  


Goliath crouched to Ariana's height and whispered hurredly, "Go get Xanatos, please. There may be something wrong with Elisa that only another human would know about."

  
  


Ariana toddled off, stealing one last glance behind her at Elisa, who was rattling off something extraordinary about Brooklyn's wing structure. She found Xanatos and Fox in Alex's nursery, watching with rapt attention as the child proceeded to explain, unsteadily, though educated, how to change a teddy bear into a flying rubber duck. "Mr. Xanatos?"

  
  


Xanatos whirled around, and the yellow duck teetered and squeaked triumphantly over his head, "Yes?!!-- Oh, It's you. In that case, what kind of pizza do you want? Pepperoni or-?"

  
  


"No, No- Elisa is acting weird. Uhh..... Is it normal for humans to speak differently from day to day?"

  
  


"You mean a different language, like Spanish? Most cops speak Spanish nowadays."

  
  


"No, she has an Australian accent, like Dingo's. She keeps acting like a weird nature observer from T.V."

  
  


"You mean like that one man who chases alligators?"

  
  


"Yeah! That's it!" Ariana squeaked.

  
  


"That's odd... hmm. Owen, get my camcorder. I'd love to see the detective's face after we've gotten her sober....."

  
  


* * * * * *

  
  


"Her speech isn't slurred, so she isn't drunk..."

  
  


"Of course she is not drunk. Elisa has not drunken to excess since I have known her,"Goliath huffed, slightly angered that Xanatos would even suspect such a thing of his love.

  
  


Elisa, seeming to sense that Goliath was getting angered, seized the large gargoyle by the arm, and pressed him up against the wall, " Woah now! You're all right, mate. You're all right!" she consoled, then added, "Eh, Mr. Xanatos, is it? I don't think that you should be so close to these creatures, they may be dangerous. I'm a trained professional, sir an' I don't think this proximity is safe for a civilian."

  
  


"Of course,"Xanatos smirked, "Owen, call a doctor; preferably one with a degree in psychology." 

  
  


* * * * * *

  
  


A bewildered Elisa had been brought into the health and nursing station in the gym, were she could do the least damage should she become violent. A doctor had been summoned quickly, and had set up his instruments accordingly. 

Dr. Cattchen shined a light in Elisa's eyes in turns, lifting her eyelids as Elisa stared straight ahead. "No problems here," he declared, "Her pupils are reacting normally, slowly, but normally."

  
  


"Then what is the problem?" Xanatos asked rising from his stool.

  
  


The doctor appeared to have ignored him, as he felt for soft or lumpy areas on Elisa's skull. "No, no,"He began talking to himself, "not schizophrenia, this should have happened before, the disease shows itself in childhoo--" The doctor stopped and felt an area on the back of Elisa's head. "My, my! That seems to be quite the big problem."

  
  


"What is it?" Xanatos repeated.

  
  


"She has a large goose-egg on the back of her skull. It appears that she hit her head on something," He felt again. "No external bleeding...that's good."

  
  


"So she has a bump, but what about the identity crisis?" Fox asked, reaching her husband's side.

  
  


"I've never seen anything like this..." the doctor shook his head sadly.

  
  


Xanatos arched an eyebrow. "Well, you'd better do something quick; my camcorder is running out of tape."

  
  


* * * * * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Kids! Stop thundering around!" Brooklyn yelled. "Go to the gym if you want to play hockey with your bo staffs!"

  
  


"But DaaaAd-!"

  
  


"No 'buts'! Move your tails, now!"

  
  


Ariana and Graeme put their bos at an at-ease position, throwing the sticks over their shoulders like soldiers' guns. They gave Brooklyn a mock-military salute, and headed for the gym.

"Why does Dad always have to wreck our fun?" huffed Graeme.

  
  


"I dunno, but I think everyone just wants it quiet in here so that Elisa gets better, or at least calms down," Ariana explained, twirling the hockey puck on her first finger before putting it on the floor in front of the gym door. "Well, we're at the gym-----I'm takin' the first shot!.... FORE!" 

Ariana brought the bo down heavily on the puck and sent the rounded disc flying nearly six feet in the air...... right at Elisa's forehead as she walked grinning brightly out of the back offices of the gym.

"What the? BYCROIKY!" Elisa gasped as the puck hit her square in the forehead. She fell to the ground.

  
  


"Oowww!" Elisa rubbed her head. "What was that for?"

  
  


"Sorry, Aunt Elisa!" Ariana apologized, running to go get some ice for Elisa's head, and dropping her bo.

  
  


Xanatos noticed the change in Elisa's speech and congratulated her on her recovery, "Ah, detective, you're back."

  
  


"I was gone?"

  
  


"For a while, yes, and the 'Gargoyle Hunter' had taken your place."

  
  


"What? '_Hunter_?!' Was I dangerous?"

  
  


"No, no." Fox soothed, breaking into the conversation, "You just acted a little drunk, a little Australian, and a little nature-y."

  
  


"Drunk?"

  
  


"Stinking, detective," Xanatos added, " Oh, and yes......I believe I have a tape that I think you should see.........."

  
  


* * * * * * 

END

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**Well**, there you have it, folks. Another fanfic with no mind for plot or all that is sacred.

R&R or E-mail me to yell at me, praise me, or correct my terrible grammar and spelling, that is if you're one of those who get a kick out of correcting people all the time. I don't care.

Here's the address! [Abbadon_13@yahoo.com][1] --clicky, clicky!

Next time in this Saga: okay, I don't know yet........ It could be about anything I guess............

Hey! How about Goliath saving President George W. Bush from a mob of angry Gore supporters? Nah, he wouldn't do that. Goliath's a Gore supporter (in my saga)...................

  
  


Oh well, TTFN. Tah-tah for now!

  
  


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   [1]: mailto:Abbadon_13@yahoo.com



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